


Wait! I'm coming undone...

by FeelTheSteelMillsRust



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26458798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeelTheSteelMillsRust/pseuds/FeelTheSteelMillsRust
Summary: uh, vaguely related to my other story. Desert vibes and lots of overthinking.
Relationships: Starscream & Original Character(s), Starscream & Original Cybertronian Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	Wait! I'm coming undone...

**Author's Note:**

> It's *MY* AO3 account and *I* get to post cringe  
> aka I freak out sometimes and Starscream helps me through it

Starscream shifted. The sun was warm on the metal of his faceplate, and his dear friend was sitting beside him, idly running her hand along the edge of his wing. The red cliffs reflected the light back against themselves, somehow seeming to grow a deeper red than he thought possible. He looked up, at the vibrant blue depths of the sky, unmarred by any cloud and bounded by those same over-red cliffs. The whole scene felt...languid, surreal, almost dreamlike. He wondered if his optical processors were malfunctioning, as it really shouldn't be possible for such colors to exist. He wondered if he wasn't dreaming. It wasn't until he felt his friend pause that he realized he'd said that last part aloud.

"It's...strange, is all," he said, more subdued than usual, trying to explain exactly what he felt. "It's...so quiet, and peaceful, and - nice," he admitted. "I almost can't believe it's real."

He could feel their gaze on him, but he didn't meet their eyes, instead keeping his focus on the skyline. The crooked line where the cliffs met the sky was so sharp - the definition between the fiery rock and the impossibly blue atmosphere was so clear. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen anything like it.

"...hmm." They lay back on the dusty earth with a look of contentment on their face. Starscream wondered how they managed to be so easygoing all the time. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt as peaceful as they looked...he'd spent so long cautious of every movement, fearing retaliation for the smallest mistake or misunderstanding, that even now he seemed unable to relax, unable to simply trust that things were...alright. He felt out of place and uncertain, and he kept catching himself overanalyzing things, finding false proof that his smallest action was somehow secretly hated by his dear friend - and reflecting further back, trying to find ways that it was all his fault, or at least mostly his fault. It was as if he  _ missed _ it somehow...if only because it at least was familiar. Starscream shifted again, feeling a familiar fluttering panic rising in him. The sun reflected off of his chromium, casting the rocky cliffs in an even deeper red. It was as if…

"It's as if it were all a nightmare…" he murmured, "and this, a mere dream.

"It  _ can't _ be real."

He sensed, more than saw, his friend sit up, worry palpable in her voice and the concerned way she moved.

"Star-"

"It  _ CAN'T _ be real," Starscream said again, voice growing frantic. He turned towards her, eyes wild. "It can't - this - I'm not, I don't deserve - it  _ can't! _ "

" _ Starscream _ ." She said, picking up his hand from where it lay a tightly curled fist in his lap and holding it between both of hers. " _ Breathe _ ."

His eyes dulled as he focused on the simple rhythm of his circuits and gears, trying desperately to quell the rising panic inside of him. After what felt like an eternity but was only twelve minutes according to his internal clock, he felt the feeling begin to subside, and he gradually became aware again of the world around him. He realized he was trembling, though he wasn't sure if it was with fear, adrenaline, or exhaustion… More importantly, he realized he was gripping C.D.'s hand with a force so strong that it  _ must _ hurt, yet she hadn't said anything...or perhaps he just hadn't heard. He quickly released her hand, pulling his own back to his side.

"...sorry." He was too tired to maintain his usual persona. These awful spells left him drained - it took far too much energy to get through them. His entire body ached from the effort. He raised his other hand, resting his faceplate in it, sighing. He knew how little she must think of him - how little he thought of himself… He kept doing this to her - ruining nice moments, making her take the time to reassure him - and she must surely resent him for it…

His thoughts were interrupted by her kind voice, cutting through them like clear water through mud. "It's fine, Starscream. It's  _ fine _ . My hand's had worse." She grinned, wiggling her fingers to show him she was alright, before growing more serious. "It's not your fault, Starscream," and he knew she meant more than just his brief panic. " _ None _ of it was your fault."

He didn't want to talk anymore. She seemed to pick up on this, smiling sympathetically before turning most of her attention to a lizard on a nearby boulder. They sat like that in silence for a while. Starscream was beginning to feel slightly better. He was still exhausted, but...with the way his beloved friend smiled at him, maybe it  _ could _ be alright after all. Maybe he could let it be alright.


End file.
